Here is a video from Jimmy Evans about abusive and negative communication in marriage.
Then He said to me, ‘Depart, for I will send you far from here to the Gentiles.’ ” And they listened to him until this word, and then they raised their voices and said, “Away with such a fellow from the earth, for he is not fit to live!” (Acts 22:21-22).
The apostle Paul was defending himself in front of an angry Jewish mob in Jerusalem. Some had falsely accused him of taking Gentiles into the temple. If there was any word I would not have said in front of this angry Jewish mob, it would have been “Gentiles.” Especially in a sentence that claimed the Messiah Jesus had sent Paul to the Gentiles, whom the Jews considered as dogs. But the Holy Spirit in His eternal wisdom guided Paul to say these words, and you can see the reaction of the crowd. At this word, they shut down. No more listening, it’s time to kill Paul (Acts 22:23).
The problem here was not Paul’s choice of words or his timing or his presentation, it was the heart of the people hearing the message.
It brings up a point or two for consideration about listening.
How well do I listen?
Are there times when someone at work, school or home is trying to talk to me and they say “the wrong thing” or say it in “the wrong way” and I just shut down and refuse to hear anything else they say?
Would you and I be characterized as someone who truly lets someone freely talk to us without freaking out, overreacting and shutting down?
Paul said the “wrong word” to these Jews and it was over. They were not going to listen to another word. They were so mad they wanted him dead. Now you may not want someone dead, but you may kill a relationship because you refuse to listen. Think about it.
Nicodemus was one Jew who understood this principle, even though he was outnumbered in the Jewish council.
Nicodemus (he who came to Jesus by night, being one of them) said to them, “Does our law judge a man before it hears him and knows what he is doing?” (John 7:50-51)
Have you experienced these things? Are there people in your life that you cannot talk freely to because of how you know they will react? We don’t like that quality in others, understandably, but we don’t want to have that same characteristic. We as God’s men want to be the kind of men who will let others freely talk without shutting down, making quick judgments, or walking away, or over-talking, etc.
He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him (Proverbs 18:13)
It would help us to do more praying before and during conversations to ask the Lord to open our ears and muzzle our mouths.
Okay men, how good are your listening skills? Would your wife describe you as a good listener? You know…I cringe thinking of that question.
Take a free online quiz to assess how good of a listener you are. Or simply ask your wife, “So, how can I improve my listening skills in our relationship?” Yikes, that’s tough!
Very simple, but that is the thought for today.
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath (James 1:19).
There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health (Proverbs 12:18).
The focus for this week has been complaining. Words as we all know, have incredible weight and influence. The above proverb provides a great contrast. A stab wound doesn’t promote health, does it? My words can be a sword thrust through someone or I can promote health. Our words at work and school today can promote health: healthy attitudes, healthy dialogue, healthy teamwork, etc. Or, our complaining and criticizing words will just bring everyone down in the dumps.
Here are a couple of examples:
10 of the 12 spies sent by Moses to look over the land of Canaan brought back a bad report. They were faithless and their words discouraged the hearts of the children of Israel (Deuteronomy 1:28). Caleb, one of the 2 faithful spies, said decades later that the discouraging words of those 10 spies “made the heart of the people melt” (Joshua 14:8).
In contrast, consider King Hezekiah. When surrounded by the powerful army of Assyria, Hezekiah took his stand in faith with God. Not only did he prepare the people militarily, he spoke words of faith and encouragement to the people and directed their hearts to God’s power. “And the people were strengthened by the words of Hezekiah king of Judah” (2 Chronicles 32:6-8).
See the contrast? I think we all, that means me too, sometimes lose sight of how powerful and influential our speech can be. That’s probably why there is so much in Scripture about our words and their power. Hezekiah strengthened his people while the 10 spies made the hearts of Israel melt into discouragement.
The Tongue of the Wise Promotes Health
I found an interesting passage in Isaiah where the Messiah (Jesus) is speaking in the 1st person about what He is coming to do. In that section there is this statement:
The Lord has given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary (Isaiah 50:4).
Jesus, the Messiah, has the tongue of the learned (educated, trained, wise). He knows how to speak a word in season (at the right time) to him who is weary (considering the audience and what is appropriate).
May the Lord give us this same tongue today! Let us train and educate our tongues and hearts. Consider what would be the right thing to say, not what would be the easy thing, or sarcastic thing or funny thing to say.
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones (Proverbs 16:24).
Past articles that might be helpful to you in connection to this topic:
- When Asa heard these words
- David restrained his servants with these words
- He who guards his mouth
- Strengthened his hand in God
He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles (Proverbs 21:23).
Men, today let’s look at all of the passages in this article and see a consistent pattern. God wants us to restrain our lips, guard our mouths, and bridle our tongues. It is a simple but much needed thought for us to consider. In order to live as lights among this dark world, we must learn to develop restraint in our speech.
Certainly, most folks around us fly off the handle and say whatever comes to their minds, but that must not be true of God’s men.
He who guards his mouth
I will guard my ways that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle while the wicked are in my presence (Psalms 39:1).
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise (Proverbs 10:19).
The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin (Proverbs 13:3).
He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is considered prudent (Proverbs 17:27-28).
If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless (James 1:26).
We will finish with a prayer that is good for all of us to pray. Before we go into that meeting today, pray this prayer. Before we begin to gossip about the boss or a fellow co-worker, pray this prayer. When someone wants to argue politics, pray this prayer.
Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips