5 Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

I’m currently reading the 5 Love Languages for Men by Gary Chapman. Click here if you want to purchase the book for yourself.

Gary Chapman’s famous approach is that we all speak different love languages, and he categorizes them as:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

Take the test, if you have not already, to see your love language. This is really important to learn because we all communicate in different languages, and I may want to tell my wife that I love her through acts of service or gifts, but what she may really be looking for is words of affirmation.

Words of Affirmation

This is truly a Biblical concept. Here are a few passages to show the Biblical basis for learning this love language.

A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good it is! (Proverbs 15:23)

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).

There are many other verses we could use, but these two set the stage for how important it is to learn to speak words of affirmation to our wives.

A good word spoken at the right time, Solomon said, how good it is! Take that into consideration in your own life. Can you think of times that someone said just the right words of encouragement just when you needed them? It just makes our day!

Take some time today to think of some encouraging words that you can say genuinely to your wife. Praise her appearance. Find great traits about her character and personality and point those out to her.

Gary Chapman recommends that we also do this in front of friends, family and co-workers. We all hear things through “the grapevine,” so how wonderful will it be that your wife hears that you are praising and complimenting her behind her back?

Find creative ways to affirm her. Think outside the box.

The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips. Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones (Proverbs 16:23-24).

The 5 Love Languages

Last week in response to the article about Valentine’s Day, I received a note from a friend and brother, Geoff, who emphasized the importance of the 5 Love Languages. He made the personal observation that his wife could care less about the gifts, but really appreciates acts of service, like cleaning the kitchen while she is away from the house.

If you are not familiar with the 5 Love Languages book by Dr. Gary Chapman, it would be a great book to read. We all speak different love languages, according to Dr. Chapman, meaning we all communicate and receive love in different ways.

Here are the 5 Love Languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Physical Touch
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Gift Giving
  5. Quality Time

Here is a short trailer on Gary Chapman’s YouTube channel that illustrates the 5 languages.

Learn your love language – Use this link to take the quiz to learn your love language.

This is so important because we sometimes are trying to speak our own language to our spouse when that is not how she communicates love at all. A simple example would be if a wife wants words of affirmation, but a husband is giving gifts or acts of service, she is not receiving what she really needs. He can give gifts all day, but if his words are not affirming her preciousness and value, then the gifts have no value.

Have you ever had someone buy you a gift for Christmas or your birthday, but the gift was really something that person likes, not what you like at all? They didn’t really consider your interests and personality, they thought of what they would like to receive. This is that very same concept behind the love languages. Am I considering how my wife communicates and receives love, or am I trying to demonstrate love based upon how I communicate and receive love?

Paul makes this point in Philippians about considering the needs and interests of others above our own. Let’s meditate upon this in our marriages today, men.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus… (Philippians 2:3-5).