A “Help” Created for the Man

We just finished up a great weekend! On Saturday, we had about 20 guys gather together to have discussions, studies and prayers on how to grow as a husband. Steve Bockmiller led us in these studies, and we are very thankful for the time he shared with us.

This week we are going to focus on the marriage relationship.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
(Genesis 2:18-23)

God fashioned a woman out of man’s side in order to come to his side as a helper suitable for him. That miracle happened in the Garden of Eden as part of God’s love for mankind. It also was because of God’s knowledge of man – God knew man needed a helper.

Man and woman were both created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27), and yet we are very different. Generally speaking, we are emotionally different, physically different, hormone-ally different. Every cell of a man’s body is different from every cell of a female’s body. Yet, God created a woman to complement the man. Like I said, she is also created in the image of God, and her emotions, value, perspectives, wisdom, talents and abilities come directly from God.

What does it mean to be a helper? I heard some lessons recently from Mark Broyles and Ralph Walker that talk about this word “helper.” It doesn’t mean slave, or the person to do your bidding. The word used in Genesis 2:18 for help is the Hebrew word, ezer. Look up how that word is used in the rest of the Old Testament. It is used for God. God is our help.

Here are a few examples:

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble! May the name of the God of Jacob protect you! May he send you help from the sanctuary and give you support from Zion! (Psalm 20:1-2)

A Song of Ascents. I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1-2)

The Greek version of this word is used in John chapters 14 through 16 when Jesus talks about the “Helper” or “Comforter” who is the Holy Spirit (parakletos). He literally “comes to the side” to our aid. This very image of God coming to your side to help you is the image of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God created a woman like Him to stand by the side of Adam and help Adam.

That to me is a powerful image to behold. Husbands, do you see your wives that way? If every husband who has a godly wife would see that, he would fall to his knees and thank the Lord Jesus for this incredible gift. She is not the dishwasher and dinner-maker, she was fashioned by the Lord to come to your side as His helper for you.

Husbands, if we see this, we will see everything differently. We will see our advice from our wives in a totally new light. If God gives you advice, you certainly would take it without arguing, right? Well, what about when God sends you advice through His helper, your wife? We will see the work around the house in a new light. This isn’t her job, it’s our job. God put her on the earth for something far more valuable than vacuuming carpets. We will see other women differently. To lust after and flirt with other women is to thrust a knife into the very side of God. You will see communication with your wife in a brand new way. Would you talk to God as your Helper in the way you talk to your wife who was given by God to you as your helper? You see, this changes the whole ballgame.

Are the Givers Able to Receive?

The teacher doesn’t like to be taught, the fixer doesn’t want to be fixed, the counselor fights against being counseled, and the giver has a very hard time receiving.

At present, however, I am going to Jerusalem bringing aid to the saints. For Macedonia and Achaia have been pleased to make some contribution for the poor among the saints at Jerusalem. For they were pleased to do it, and indeed they owe it to them. For if the Gentiles have come to share in their spiritual blessings, they ought also to be of service to them in material blessings.
(Romans 15:25-27)

In Romans 15, the apostle Paul wrote of two groups of people that were both givers AND receivers. The brethren from Jerusalem were sharing spiritual blessings and were receiving material blessings. The brethren from Macedonia and Achaia were receiving spiritual blessings from those at Jerusalem and were in turn giving material goods to help them in time of need.

This relationship is how God designed the body. This is how it works. But it only works when the givers receive.

Receiving is tough. It means I don’t have all the answers and resources. It means admitting I need help. It says, “I can’t do it by myself.” It by definition requires vulnerability and transparency. You have to open up to let people into your “safe zone.” Having to receive is having to admit I don’t have it all under control.

When the giver is put in a position to receive, the giver is in a very uncomfortable and unfamiliar position. Its like writing with your opposite hand. Writing for me left-handed is like breathing, but attempting to use my right hand is completely awkward and uncomfortable. The giver is completely safe and at home with the giving part, not so safe and secure with being taken care of. There are pride issues to deal with for sure. A lot of humility is needed to receive (of course we should have humility when we’re giving too!).

So, if you are someone who is the do-er, the fixer, the counselor, the teacher and the giver, how do you handle it when others offer you help or advice? Do you receive it well?

The eye needs the hand, and the hand needs the eye. When I have a fleck of dust in my eye, my hand helps my eye. When I have a splinter in my hand, my eye helps my hand. We need each other. We need to learn to receive.

God’s Family—Mayer Road Case Study

  • Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.  Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;  rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality…. (Romans 12: 9-13)
  • rejoice with those who rejoice…weep with those who weep… (Romans 12:15)
  • But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased. (Hebrews 13:16)
  • Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing…let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being… (1 Thes 5:11)
  • Bear one another’s burdens(Galatians 6:2)
  •  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)

Please consider these verses. Each of them have a specific moral issue for which Paul, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, wrote to admonish, instruct, and encourage the various brethren receiving them. I do not want to add to or take away from these lessons but want to emphasize these principles as I consider what is happening in Casco, Michigan as Christians come together for one of our own and do what they can to rebuild for one of our own.

Not too long ago, one of our families experienced a profound loss as their barn burnt in the middle of the night with all their equipment and livestock inside. The physical and emotional loss was tremendous and the ramifications are still felt as each of us continue to deal with the loss. This event was enough to burry many families…to cause many individuals to lose hope. That is not how this story ends though!

Though a terrible and fiery loss, what really resulted was God being glorified, His children strengthened, and an opportunity for those outside the faith to see the hope available through Jesus. I can’t emphasize the significance of the good that has been done, is being done and will continue to be done because of all the experiences around this great loss, clean up and rebuilding process. The work is far from done but isn’t that the case for all of us? Don’t we all have profound loss and struggle? Aren’t we all experiencing physical and spiritual struggles?

In all of that, do we do what we must? Do we put our full faith and trust in God’s love and power? Do we share our struggles with each other or create an environment to make it ok to do so? Do we take the time to not only pray for those who are struggling or hurting…but also to rejoice in the happiness, success, and blessings of our most dear brethren? Even if it isn’t as a result of a great struggle conquered…but in a blessed life…do we rejoice?

We are so blessed in one another and what is happening in on Mayer Road this week is another piece of an exceptional example of that…but we can see the same awesome God and Christian family in the everyday goings on in our own lives. Take time and thank God, thank each other and rejoice! We are here for but a short time and times aren’t always going to be easy…but we all share the hope of Heaven and living now within the context of eternity is such a blessed place to be. Living there with like-minded loving brethren makes it even the sweeter. Take a moment, see God’s blessings in His family and thank Him…and hugs always help too…because that right there is what God’s love looks like.  Have a blessed day brothers!

A Story on Perspective

Take a minute and read and consider this story.

People were sitting quietly. Some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.

  “It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, ‘Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?’”

  “The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, ‘Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.’

  Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm (heart) shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, and because I saw differently, I thought differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. ‘You’re wife just died? Oh, I’m so sorry! Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?’ Everything changed in an instant.”   (Stephen Covey)

Now consider the Holy Spirit’s words in (Galatians 6:1-5).

1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. 5 For each one shall bear his own load.

 What did you think of in this exercise? What comes to my mind is the importance of knowing and participating in the lives of those I love…especially the brethren. If I know them and participate in their lives, I will understand better their circumstances. If I better understand their circumstances, I will have more patience with what I might be observing in their lives and seek out opportunities to help rather than chastise or be annoyed. If I seek out opportunities to help, those I love will be lifted up and God will be gloried and the law of Christ is fulfilled…and His law is love.

We all have spiritual and physical burdens to carry but God has given us one another to be a helper to each other and sometimes that “one thing” we carry for another is just enough. Meditate on this today. Pray God would turn your eyes and heart to other’s lives. Have the courage to love them.